Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
