the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
