can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
