Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
