Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
