omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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