Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
