I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
