I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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