I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You may now shotgun with the bride
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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