so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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