What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
