The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
