had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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