What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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