If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
