I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
