i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
