How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
third nipple confirmed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
