The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As shirtless as possible
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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