I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
