I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
