i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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