I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
