You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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