I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
