mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize