I must be too annoying 4 u.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
