My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize