Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
