So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
