i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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