how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
