I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
