I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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