Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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