We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
