My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
