Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
