If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
