i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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