I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
