His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
