i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
