sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
