two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
