im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
