How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
