Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
