hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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