Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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