i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
