I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
wow bdsm is so cute
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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