She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
