lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
