oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
COCAINE IS GR8
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize