this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
