brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
