You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
