Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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