Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
