Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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