Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
