Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
