Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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