I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
