At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
