For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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