Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
