Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
