i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize