she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
