Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
