I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
