I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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