on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
