NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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