her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
