Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
