Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
