i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
