Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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