There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
