Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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