apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
