Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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