He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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