so that wasnt chicken after all
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
