I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
