If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
