Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
