I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
