I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize