Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
