Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
