Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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