I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize