Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
