didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
