We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
