apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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